My Bosses Want Me to Lie to Them

Either my bosses want me to lie to them, or that I am the last sane man in the universe. And since the second option is too ludicrous to consider. then it must be the first.

I can’t imagine anyone believing the kind of buzzword laden brain spackle that wafts out of a Human Resources department. I mean other than the aforementioned cultists of Human Resources themselves. I’m sorry. That was mean. I apologize. I was being unfair. No self respecting cultist would ever stoop to employment in Human resources.

I am paid to be at my desk. I am paid to provide a service to my employer’s customers. I am paid to do so in a responsible, professional and courteous manner. And I do this. I take pride in doing this. This is all too obvious though. Marketing departments and Human Resources Departments cannot justify their own budgets with this. And so we get fifteen step mission statements. We get guiding visions that all boil down to: Do the right thing. Google has proven that “Don’t be Evil” isn’t enough, but “Be Good” might be.

Far too many empty heads surrounded by neckties depend upon this being as more complicated than it is. We need fancy names and buzzwords and multi-step programs.

But we all know that this stuff rarely works. If these things were not changed it might be different. Then they might gain the gravitas and respect I am expected to show to them. How long did it take before the ten commandments stuck? I mean there are two versions in the Bible. There are, look it up. And the first version was bizarre. How long before people bought into the ten commandments? I mean this as a serious question. Our executives want us to become immediately reverent. They want us to treat the flavor of the month buzzwords as more than they are. They want us to act as those they are decades old respected institutions.

But they aren’t. They are new. They are changing every quarter. And they mean nothing.

The emperor of Human Resources has no clothes.

Join my Cult! We don’t have an HR department!